Tuesday, August 27, 2013

It Is Well

In 2009, I had a miscarriage in the 12th week.  We'd tried for 2 years to become pregnant and we were overjoyed.  And equally devastated when it ended so early.  I ended up in the emergency room with massive hemorrhaging.  As they tried to stabilize me, the doctors and nurses and technicians flowed in and out of the room.  Bright lights, beeping machines, the steady drip of the IV.  Through it all, over and over and over, for hours, the song It Is Well With My Soul went through my mind.  This song was written by a man who'd just suffered the loss of his 4 daughters in a shipwreck.  He knew grief.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

By the end of the day, lying in recovery after emergency surgery at 2 am, I didn't understand why our baby didn't live.  I didn't understand God's plan.  But I knew this: it really was well with my soul.  Though I suffered a loss I couldn't accept, I could be peaceful with my knowledge that God would never leave me to suffer alone.

In 2012, finding out that our third child would have Down syndrome was gut-wrenching.  Painful.  I grieved.  But through that time, the words of that same song flowed through my heart like a healing balm.  It is well with my soul.  It is well with my soul.  It is well with my soul.  Some nights I sobbed into my pillow as the words ran through my mind.  It became my mantra.  My lifeline.  And soon, every part of my soul was well with Cade's diagnosis.  I felt healthy and whole and ready to meet my baby.

Over the years, my husband and I have shared many joys and triumphs.  We've also shared times of bewilderment, pain, and grief.  The failure of our first business.  Bankruptcy.  The loss of a beloved pet.  Miscarriage.  Down syndrome.  But through it all, we walk together in faith in God.  I still don't understand His plan a lot of the time, but I trust in Him.  It is well with my soul.  

Camille - 9 months
Colby - 9 months
Cade - 3 months


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