Sunday, November 3, 2013

Mommy guilt: It's never enough.

Today I'm feeling vulnerable.  We had a rough night and I'm not feeling well.  Shannon took the kids out so I could rest.  Instead, this blog post bobbed to the surface of my mind and had to be written.

Mommy guilt.  We all feel it, I think it's universal for mothers of all ages.  Certainly I've had my fair share while raising our older two kids (currently 8 and 3).  But I've always consoled myself that if I screw up, they can still find their own way in the world.

Lots of groups post stories online about kids with Down syndrome who grow up to have amazing abilities.  I even track some of them on my own blog.  Professional photographers, renowned dancers and artists, violin prodigies.  And the back story for many of them is parents who followed an aggressive therapy regimen.  These stories are posted with the intent to encourage...see what your child is capable of doing!  Your kids have unlimited potential! 

On most of my days, I love these stories because they do encourage me.  But on my mommy guilt days, I feel awful for not doing enough therapy with Cade.  For skipping days altogether, for forgetting particular exercises.  And then I think, is he behind because of me?

My concerns aren't baseless.  Research has shown that the more therapy a child receives, the better they do later on.  The reasons for this aren't clear.  Is it the therapy itself?  Is it the result of more time and attention from parents?

The questions cascade.  Would he be sitting up now if I did his therapy religiously?  Would he be able to roll from belly to back if I worked harder with him?  If I buckle down, will he walk before he's two?  If he gets behind now, how much farther will he be behind when school starts?

I feel that I'm failing him.  Every day that I'm "too busy" to complete the therapy exercises is a day lost forever.  Isn't Cade more important than my to-do list?  Of course he is. 

I don't have any answers today.  What I do know is that while today may be a waste, tomorrow is not.  God has a fresh batch of hours and energy waiting just for me.

Homemade applesauce!

At 7 months, he LOVES the jumper!  He finally plays with the toys and can bounce a little to make the music play.


  1. This is what came to my mind. I hope it encourages you!!

    2 Corinthians 12:9
    But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.