Thursday, January 1, 2015

How do you?

The time has come, transition is beginning.  I am asked to write a few lists for you, things you should know.

Please know this...I love your son, and because I love him, I want you to succeed.  I want you to be a good mama to him.  I will help you wherever I can, just ask.

I'm sitting here, staring at a blank sheet of paper.  I'm supposed to list things about your son, like how he likes to be soothed and what to do when  he wakes at night.  But the page is still blank.  I can't get my mind to do you tell a mother all the things she should know? 

How do you explain what makes his hurts go away?  What soothes him to sleep the best?  How it takes three tries to get food into his mouth, but on the third try he'll decide he likes it and finish the rest?  How his eyes sparkle in the morning as if he's planning a day of mischief.  How he lays his cheek against yours when he needs a hug.

How do you?

I can't seem to adequately put into words how cute he is when he splashes in the bath, or how he flaps his arms and says "mama" when I walk into the room.  How I hope he'll do that for you, even as the hope itself breaks my heart.  Because, while I love him, he's never been mine and I've never forgotten that.  He is yours.

How do you learn in a few weeks what has taken me 9 months to learn?  Do you know that he cries when his diaper needs changed, and that that cry is distinctly different from his hungry cry?  How do I teach you that?

How will you know at night when it's time to get up with him and when it's okay to let him fuss for a moment?  Will you know to stay right with him in the bath, to read to him at night, to always use fleece jammies because he hates being cold?  Will you know how to snuggle him and how to give hugs and kisses and whisper that you love him?  Did they teach you those things?  I suppose some things a mother just knows, but I don't know what you know.

How can I teach you all of the things you need to know, because you're his mother?

I can't.  But I'll give it my best.


  1. Oh, Heather, this breaks my heart.

    1. It breaks mine, too, but then again...I've never known a greater honor than to help a mother bond with her child. Remind me of that the day he goes home!